To Die By Sneezing (An Involuntary Suicide)

After a violent sneeze, a previously healthy 35-year-old man had severe left-side neck pain lasting ten minutes,” we read. He developed partial paralysis and sensory loss on his left side, plus other symptoms. After tests the doctors decided he had “unilateral upper cervical posterior spinal artery syndrome,” a seven-word noun phrase that’s about as close as you can get to German and still be speaking English. To put it in simpler terms, an aneurysm in the neck following the sneeze probably led to a loss of blood flow to part of the spinal cord, causing nerve problems.[1]

Strangely, I can identify with this guy. I’ve got the strange gene the causes me to sneeze when I come outside from a dimly lit restaurant into the bold noonday sun. I’ve sneezed hard enough to see stars. Isn’t that the sensation found in stories where the main character has moved from reality into make believe. There is a flash, and then a settling of stars, and then he looks around as if to identify himself or his surroundings. Who am I? Where am I?

I’m starting to feel as though society has had a violent sneeze and, consequently, has suffered numerous neurological problems. What I mean is, society use to move slowly in a type of survival mode: “don’t look anyone in the eye, don’t talk to strangers, don’t get mixed up with the wrong people,” etc. There use to be a common understanding that we are all living in hostile territory. If you follow the rules and stay out of trouble, you’ll survive. I almost miss that mentality compared to the message that I hear happening now. Instead of saying, “I know who I am compared to who I want to be,” or “I know where I am from where I want to be,” we exist within a society of people who are asking, “who am I?” and “Where am I?”

Ironically, no one is allowed to show whether or not they know the answers. Our society will not let someone admit not knowing what the plot is anymore then it allows one to say exactly what it is. If one were going to withdraw from the game, he would have to throw up his arms and exclaim, “I’m lost.” If he believes that he has mastered this game, we resent him or lock him up.  Rather, what I see in film and in real life is a group of travelers who are quite busy, in quite a hurry, but tired, confused, frustrated, and not willing to admit that we are lost. We’ve lost the plot. We are no longer convinced of who or where we are.  But even worse, no one seems to think there IS a plot.

One such problem is the loss of individuality. A second problem is the lack of objectivity. Both of these issues are not benign, as though society’s violent sneeze had caused appendicitis and that the removal of the infected appendix would relieve us of the danger. These issues threaten more important parts of our body such as our spinal chord. This trauma could kill the nerve center part of us that even allows us to function. If we cannot remain human beings with careful attention to individuality and objectivity, not only will society be unable to care for herself, we would be numb. We would not be able to feel anything while we are suffering.  To be sure, we would be dying without knowing it and without any thought of reversing it.

I represent a part of my society. Things that identify society identify me as well—at least to some extent. I also represent the church. Any critique of the 21^st Century Church is at the same time, then, a critique of my social environment, and ultimately me as an individual. Said the other way around, what I say of myself, I could also generalize and make fit to be at least somewhat the case about the society and the church of which I am a part. Something as innocent and common as a sneeze could have caused the neurological problem, but the consequence of that sneeze is more severe than it feels. What if collectively we have forgotten who and where we are? As individuals who have been gauging ourselves in comparison with those around us.  What else are we to think if society is unwilling or unable to admit “we are lost?” Lately, however, more and more people are bold enough to come out and ask the questions: Who am I? Where am I?  Maybe even the boldest among them attempt to answer.

Corporate Faith:

Affiliation with a body does not necessarily denote participation within it. “I am part of the machine, however, I am not the machine unless I am covered in its oil and have its grease on my face.”

Corporate Conviction:

The society does not decide for me. I am society, yet I decide for myself.

Do you see the tension?  The conflict?  Reread those two statements until you can see it.

Questions about what it means to be one’s self or what it means to be human are inferred among major blockbusters such as I-Robot, I Am Legend, The Stepford Wives, The Truman Show, and The Matrix. We wonder what it really means to be an individual. What does it mean to be authentic verses synthetic? Can we remain an individual when the current for being what a collective society approves of is gaining so much strength?

In my observation, we as a society dictate what is acceptable for others, and they return the favor.  This is fundamentally what is referred to as existentialism. For instance, we value beautiful people. Secondly, we look up to interesting people—those with personality, then wealth, then intelligence, etc. When someone stands out in more than one category, they are affirmed by society as such.  We are creating reality.

By itself, this pattern is not altogether wrong. It works. It has its benefits. But, without even mentioning mankind’s propensity toward selfishness and non-love, what if we so highly regard similar traits so often, that inevitably we all begin to clone ourselves. Suddenly we all behave according to strict definitions about what is hip. (This is the way several non-conformists get martyred.) It’s not as though just anyone who shops at Hot Topic should be considered a non-conformist, for indeed they are conforming quite a bit. I’m referring to individuals who produce stories with other than “happily ever after” finishes. For example, I’m going to be true, regardless of where it doesn’t get me.

Such can be seen in dark comedies of dysfunctional families like “Little Miss Sunshine,” and despairing dramas such as “Gone Baby Gone.” In these stories, it’s more difficult to spot the hero because society didn’t affirm them. They didn’t take the cake. It is society’s challenge today to allow someone who receives neither the “most improved” nor the “who’s who” award the chance to be heard.

Imagine an exhibit where ordinary art is affirmed because it speaks well of real life as it is, rather than as it should be idealistically. It’s called expressionism and modern.  We appreciate individuality in the arts, but why not in our behaviors. Why am I not allowed to be other than what society affirms anyplace outside of the arts? Our culture does not show appreciation for the non-conformity while engaged in conversation, operating a business, selling a product, or a magazine ad? It’s as though we are all in competition for meaning (like so many political personalities making contortionists out of themselves to get votes).

[end of part 1]  Go here for part 2.